


Worthless

by WordsOfHeart



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Ian, Complicated Relationships, Family, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-14 23:48:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10546428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsOfHeart/pseuds/WordsOfHeart
Summary: No one would be home that night, making it the perfect time to do it. Ian was sitting in his bed at the Gallagher's, knees up tightly against his chest. His breath was uneven and sharp. He could feel his entire body trembling just at the thought of being gone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Let your heart be filled with many emotions. 
> 
> Little warning before you start reading this.   
> This might cause triggers with anything that has to do with suicide.   
> This story will have a few graphic descriptions of a suicide attempt, so please be aware. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy.

No one would be home that night, making it the perfect time to do **_it_**. Ian was sitting in his bed at the Gallagher's, knees up tightly against his chest. His breath was uneven and sharp. He could feel his entire body trembling just at the thought of being gone. It wasn't worth it anyway, all he seemed to do was hurt the people he loved most. **_Stupid fucking_** manic episode. He knew he couldn't get through it, no matter how hard he would ever try. It was all so worthless. He was _**worthless**_.

 

He had left Mickey's place earlier in the afternoon, inventing a massive lie about how he wanted to spend the night with Lip and Fiona at the Gallagher's. A whole **_bullshit_** story about needing to ''be away with his siblings for a few hours''. He had completely bought the deal, leaving Ian pretty proud of his acting skills. The only thing that worried him about **_dying_** was leaving Mickey all by himself. That wasn't enough to keep him from doing **_it_** though.

 

He didn't even feel scared anymore. Leaving seemed like the only option. It seemed like the only true thing left to do. It was his last chance to make things right again. It was the whole opposite from being selfish, Ian saw it as a pure act of kindness and delivery. He looked down at the **_shitload_** of pills in front of him and the full bottle of vodka that would help him gulp them all down. He was done hesitating, this was the end.

 

He emptied the dozens of mixed pills in his right hand, forcing them into his mouth and grabbing the alcohol, drinking it down like his favourite cocktail. He could feel his heart racing and the sweat dripping from his forehead to his chin. He gently let himself fall in bed, pressing his hand against his mouth, as if he was hoping to block the air from getting to his lungs. As things started to get blurry around him, he closed his eyes firmly, blaming the overdose even though his tears were definitely blocking his vision. He could feel them wet his cheeks even through his shut lids. He was not going to open them again, it was a **_promise_**.

 

* * *

 

 

Meanwhile, a few streets away, Mickey was enjoying his evening while drinking a few beers at the Alibi. He couldn't remember the last night he had spent without Ian close by. He was seeing it as a little **_break_**. Things had been really rough lately and he was simply glad peace was being made with his family. Smirk on his lips and sipping on his malt, he slowly turned his head towards the front door as it opened. The silhouette he saw confused him at first, leaving him worried five seconds after realisation. Lip was standing in the entrance of the Alibi. Why the fuck wasn't he with Ian. He got up, quickly walking up to him, arms crossed and smile faded.

 

_''Why are you here!?''_ He questioned him as if he was suspicious.

 

_''Can't I enjoy a beer on a friday night without being stalked?''_ Lip answered, tone dry and brows raised. _''Like seriously dude. Why the attack?''_

 

_''I...I just thought you'd be with Ian.''_ Mickey confessed, biting his lip softly and scratching his neck. _''He kinda told me he was spending the night with you.''_

 

_''Ian?!'_ ' He let out a small chuckle, quite surprised by his words. ' _'You're kidding me right? He won't even speak to me anymore.''_

 

_''Who's at the house then?''_ He questioned again, getting quite annoyed. '

 

_''The house? Fiona's at work...So...No one I guess. But seriously Mickey. Stop with the God damn questions."_ Lip finished, rolling his eyes and moving away from him. Grabbing a seat at the bar.

 

Mickey's squeezed his fists together, not even knowing what emotion he should feel. Why the hell would Ian lie to him. He sincerely thought he could trust him this time. **_Fuck_** he was wrong again. He kicked the chair, making it fall down to the ground, before rushing out the Alibi as quickly as lightning. He started running through the dark streets of South Side. He had this weird feeling in his gut and he couldn't ignore it. He had already rang Ian a dozen times, but the lack of response was freaking him out more than he could of have ever imagined. Mickey knew just how **_fucking shitty_ ** Ian had been feeling since the whole mental illness made its way to his head and he could not believe he had been so **_dumb_**. How could he have trust him?! His feelings for him were just too big to leave aside. He needed to be with Ian and he needed it now.

 

As he got to the porch of the Gallagher's, he became even more paranoid. The house was never this calm and there was clearly something wrong. He knocked once and twice with no success. He could feel his time running out and he just knew he had to get inside. He was not even sure why himself. Out of complete panic, he kicked the door until it went down, allowing himself into the living room. He smiled as he tripped over Ian's shoes, knowing he had to be there somewhere.

 

_''Ian? Ian you home?''_ He said softly, walking into the home hesitantly. He was getting more and more disturbed about the lack of noise. _''Ian?!''_ He announced a little louder, making his way up the stairs and heading to his bedroom. _''I swear to God if you're trying to pull a joke on me I'm destroying your pretty face!''_ He continued, now shouting. He pushed Ian's halfway open door, letting his way inside.

 

His legs almost completely collapsed as he saw him laying in bed, eyes shut with an empty 40 once of Vodka in his hand.

 

_''No, no, no, no.''_ He repeated to himself multiple times, rushing to his side in pure shock. He tried shaking him at first, hoping he wasn't too late. His panic kicked in like a stab in the heart when he noticed all the empty pill containers. This was not looking good.

 

_''YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!''_ He screamed, passing a hand through his thick brown hair and biting his lower lip hard enough to feel the taste of blood in his mouth. ''Ian...? Ian God dammit.'' He took a deep breath, lifting the lifeless body enough to press it against his chest. He stuck two of his fingers together, pushing them deeply into Ian's throat without a second thought. ''Come on...Come on..'' He whispered to himself, feeling a bit of relief when his favourite redhead started gagging and barfing onto the sheets. ''Again...Ian you can do this.'' He convinced himself, pushing his fingers onto his mouth even deeper. He had never in his life, seen a human being produce so much barf.

 

Ian started to drift in and out of consciousness and that's when Mickey could feel a little bit of hope arise. He kept rubbing his back and pushing his finger deep and hard. He couldn't have cared less of how disgusting it was and was not even acknowledging the horrible smell of barf and vodka filling the entire room.

 

As he thought nothing more would come out of Ian's little body, he let his stack of redhead rest against his knees, running his dirty fingers against the broken boy's sweaty hair.

 

_''Shh...You're going to be just fine you **stupid idiot**.''_ Mickey said aloud, more for himself because he knew Ian couldn't hear him. He was so shaken up yet so mad. How in the world could Ian want something like this to happen. Why the hell would he abandon everyone who cared so much about him. Everything seemed so delusional and surreal.

 

He grabbed the closest blanket and wrapped both their bodies with it, finally breaking down. He hid in Ian's neck and cried. He cried more than he thought he ever would. He could not believe he hadn't see it coming. It was all so obvious to him now. His breath stopped as he felt a hand squeeze his arm with enough strength to break it. He looked up, tearful eyes meeting with Ian's.

 

Ian looked like a fragile wreak. He shook his head and let a loud and sharp sob escape his lips. Mickey could feel his heart break into thousands of pieces. He had almost lost him for real this time. He rubbed his back as they both cried along.

 

From the moment Ian gripped at Mickey's body, they both knew. No words were needed to clarify. Ian was in desperate need of help and Mickey would find **_it_**.

 

No one was **_worthless_** enough to die.

Especially not Ian Gallagher.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.   
> Ian and Mickey are one of my all time favorite ships!   
> I would be glad to read your comments and take your requests for future stories including both characters.
> 
> Much love,   
> Sabrina xx


End file.
